………In the six degrees of whatever separation there is in the cycle and circle of our lives-now more than ever we feel the affects. I have never not known the power of circumstance. I confess, there have been times I have sought out whatever cause would invite the most affect. Not that the results have always been super rewarding or renewing-but indeedy, affects were noted and imprinted. Now as I am older, I don’t address the unknown as much. FOR fear of the unknown. I used to love the whatif’s and the whynots, but now I seem to have too much responsibility to consider a what if-because the end result could be too damaging. I morn the loss of the younger me sometimes-who only had a great desire to learn, create, work and feed a cat. At times, I could/would dabble in the unexpected-and I would be the only one paying the consequences. Things are different now. I miss the excitement in the unexpected I used to find-or rather-the unexpected that would find me. Now there are too many things I am not doing as a result of not wanting to consider the unexpected. I used to crave the unexaimed-and now-sometimes, I leave the rock unturned. I miss that me. That certain lack of responsibilty. I miss wanting to know ,being in pursuit, being able to find out-despite the answer. I do know- the greatest affect anyone has ever had on me had little to do with what I expected-I can’t remember flirting-or having a crush. A flutter crush. The cycles and circles of my life have been started and completed by those who have left an imprint-however long-however brief. Forgive the star analogies. I am in rehearsals for a play that is consuming me-the more I read it the more I see the everyday language-the cause and effect. I am being affected by a neighboring star. AND I know it. It is powerful to be surrounded by energy that is both brilliant and adolescent at the same time. For years, I have had to learn and relearn the ability to accept the vulnerable moments. It is something I find so offsetting and raw and would much rather dismiss the issue. It has been a hard lesson for me to learn-especially as it applies to my work.
I don’t know how you navigate life without feeling the affects of someone else-without wanting to know more-without feeling a little lost, uncomfortable,scatted and fluttered. I can’t imagine anything else.