October 1, 2008

Neighboring stars affect each other, whether they know it or not

………In the six degrees of whatever separation there is in the cycle and circle of our lives-now more than ever we feel the affects. I have never not known the power of circumstance.  I confess, there have been times I have sought out whatever cause would invite the most affect.  Not that the results have always been super rewarding or renewing-but indeedy, affects were noted and imprinted.   Now as I am older, I don’t address the unknown as much. FOR fear of the unknown.  I used to love the whatif’s and the whynots, but now I seem to have too much responsibility to consider a what if-because the end result could be too damaging. I morn the loss of the younger me sometimes-who only had a great desire to learn, create, work and feed a cat.  At times, I could/would dabble in the unexpected-and I would be the only one paying the consequences. Things are different now. I miss the excitement in the unexpected I used to find-or rather-the unexpected that would find me.  Now  there are too many things I am not doing as a result of not wanting to consider the unexpected.  I used to crave the unexaimed-and now-sometimes, I leave the rock unturned.  I miss that me.   That certain lack of responsibilty. I miss wanting to know ,being in pursuit, being able to find out-despite the answer.  I do know- the greatest affect anyone has ever had on me had little to do with what I expected-I can’t remember flirting-or having a crush.  A flutter crush.  The cycles and circles of my life have been started and completed by those who have left an imprint-however long-however brief.  Forgive the star analogies.  I am in rehearsals for a play that is consuming me-the more I read it the more I see the everyday language-the cause and effect.   I am being affected by a neighboring star.  AND I know it.  It is powerful to be surrounded by energy that is both brilliant and adolescent at the same time. For years, I have had to learn and relearn the ability to accept the vulnerable moments. It is something I find so offsetting and raw and would much rather dismiss the issue.  It has been a hard lesson for me to learn-especially as it applies to my work. 

I don’t know how you navigate life without feeling the affects of someone else-without wanting to know more-without feeling a little lost, uncomfortable,scatted and fluttered.  I can’t imagine anything else.