Please stop quoting the Bible to justify anything you do considered “wrong” Ted Haggard. Not that I could quote the Bible if anyone asked me. Does the Lord’s Prayer count?  No, I am not going to hell.  No I do not think you are the devil and no I do not think the devil made you do anything against your will.  You have probably always been gay-you’ve known it for a long time-and your wife probably knew it too. There is nothing wrong with being gay.  It is not a disease.  It is not something that happens upon your spirit one night deep in the dark. C’mom Ted, were you not the most free in the deep, in the dark- all snuggled up to your man thing in the heat of an honest…… massage?  Live your life Teddy, Praise Jesus.  God did not give you this as a test.  AND if he did you failed-not because you are gay-but because you lied and you took money to keep lying.   And how dare those very scary, pastey looking eldermen kick you out of Colorado until they felt you had time to repent and be a real man without any tendencies.  At all.  No sir no way.Doth those scary pastey eldermen protest too much. Sweet Jesus? You mega church people are all just a little too freaky for me. How can they kick you out of a state?  All that money and all that power.  In the name of the Lord.  Stop putting your children through this craziness and be who you are.  God will love you more. 

 I learned a long time ago those who preach the loudest are doing the exact thing they preach against- they just think God is an invisable force field they can hide behind.  True Story:  A very prominent preacher in the small town I grew up in used to send hate mail to our family because of what my father did for a living.  This same preacher used to shout as us as we left the driveway, picket our house at Christmas and call all of us names in the “name of God”.  He was defiant in his stand against us as a family-because of what my father did.  He was doing the work of God-by gosh.  So he was entitled.  We were an abomination and were sure to burn in hell.  My whole family. I was in Jr. High.  Great age to have a preacher picket your house.   He carried his Bible like a baby unless he was shaking it at us or clutching it in one hand with a candle for Christ in the other.  This went on for years.  Then it stopped.  It all went away.  This preacher had gotten his 14 year old daughter pregnant. Did God tell him to fuck his own daughter? Boy was this preacher in trouble now.  He needed someone to fix the problem ( because God was a little slow and his daughter was getting bigger by the week)  Guess who had to help him?  Guess whose door he knocked on in the still of the night?  The problem was solved and the preacher was reported.  I was never called the butcher’s daughter again.

Someone please tell me why conservatives are so against stem cell research- yet they have no problem with a Fertility Frankenstein who implants 8 eggs into the womb of a single mother living with her parents who ALREADY HAS 6 CHILDREN under the age of 10- she can not afford?  This is not the work of God.  This is the work of a very strange doctor and an even stranger woman WHO AGREED TO THIS.  

Oh. And.  God is not giving that Duggar woman 18 miracle children.  She does not use birth control and she has lots of sex.  I would not like to be her womb, or her back, or her legs………..or her boobs.  Don’t think TLC is not paying them to be on TV.  God told them to sign a contract that included a book deal and at least three seasons with an option to renew and an extra bonus for ONE MORE BABY!!! with only a name that can begin with J; one episode must include a wedding.  God is getting residuals too.  I just betcha.

Sarah Palin:  Go away.  Please.  Just go away. But first, tell me the name of the doctor that every so slightly fixes your face.  You are 45.   You have had 5 children. You are in politics and in the business of lying. You should have wrinkles.  You don’t.  Fess up-tell us all- if you really want to be in the bosom of women everywhere who are “just like you”.

God did not plan this economic meltdown to teach us.  People got mortgages they could not afford.  People overspent and credit cards made is easy. The welfare system is way over taxed.  We teach people not to work in this country. There have always been people who misuse money-especially when it belongs to someone else. AND it is not just in the big companies.  I witnessed one woman steal from a small community center and everyone sat back and watched her do it.  I tried to tell them-but she was just as good at lying as she was at stealing. They usually are.  Once it was all out in the open do you think anybody talked about it?  God no. Heaven forbid.  It was in God’s plan.  Yes, just like all the money she stole was put into her Florida property.  God told her too.  Just after he told her to buy a $70, 000 car she could not afford and here we go again:  have another baby.  God told her someone would help her get out of the situation she was in-and someone did. An entire board.  Because they had too much pride to admit they were wrong. There have always been corporate VIP’s who make too much money and spend it on things like an $18,000 shower curtain, another private jet or hookers. Did you notice these people never share the wealth or do something for the greater good with it? Oprah does not count.  We are just in the vortex of it all going wrong at the same time.  You can blame Bush.  Or blame God for getting Bush elected.  wait.  wasn’t that us?  Twice. Not than I really like Suzy Ormon yelling at me-but she does have a point.  If you don’t have it-don’t get it.  I know it is hard. For once I want to know what it is like to have extra money to spend.  I want to know the freedom of an education fund for my daughter so she can go to school wherever she wants.  To sponsor something beneficial with my pocket change-to go on a family vacation and not worry the whole time.  To not worry.  To send Peter and Paul away.  FOR GOOD.  To not have to demand I get paid on-time and to get paid what I am worth.  To stop having to chase the money I am owed.  To not have to worry if my mother’s money runs out how I will afford to let her die where she wants to.  To be the change money allows you to be.  I know it starts in your soul-but it also starts in your pocket.  To sit back and watch my left over money make money so my beloved can make furniture, or use any of his super talent to fulfill his dream……..

I love my dogs.  I do.  But this current condition one of them has calls for one of us to “thoroughly wash the entire anal area” with special soap and then “apply ointment to entire anal area”.  Guess whose turn it was this morning?