There is someone I know-who calls me friend only on occasion.  She is in an all consuming position of power. It is a false power driven by need and ego and what others think she can do for them-but all the same-she has earned the title of Queen One and Only and she never lets you forget it.  Not that anyone is letting her anyway.  She is smart-but not so much when it comes to anything other than what she rules. She is witty but only in a bitter Kathy Griffin sort of way. She steals ideas and calls them her own.  She feigns charity and then accepts the plaques she is given for that exact charity. You laugh at what she says-and then realize you were just insulted. Or someone else was.  We never see it coming. I feel so stupid when that happens to me-because I think of a thousand things I should have said had I not been so stunned by the back-slap of insult. It stings worse when you think about what was said throughout the day and realize being the butt of a joke when you are in on the joke is not such a funny joke after all.  She is sincere only when it suits her needs and calls me friend only when she needs something-that usually benefits her first.  People bow down to her and use her name in conversations in the hopes it will mean something in the long run.

I went to a party with her once.  A big, fat “important party”.  “Stick with me, ” she said.  “I hate going to these things… everyone is so fake and full of shit”  Stupid me was left in the wake of her importance. I never saw her the rest of the night.  I did not know the only reason she asked me to go with was because she did not want to drive the hour or so to get to the party.  I felt like I was back in high school.  You know, when you get left behind.  I should have known then.  I thought when I first met her the roughness and bitterness was hiding an interior of genuine warmth that somehow had gotten lost or misplaced.  I thought we were friends.  The real kind.  But then I got caught in her web.  Tangled up in the bitterness-only to suffocate. It was not a good feeling: Temporarily losing a wing and not able to fly. I realized too late in the game that only one of us were going to be the topic of any conversation even though I sort of knew better.  Some who knew us both would question how we even were able to get along.  Her spider to my fly.  Her amazingly wicked and effortlessly crafted web to my lack of knowing I had been caught in one. It was never going to be about me or anything going on in my life.  God forbid anything wonderful happen to anyone else.  Or worse, anything horrific.

I was like that in high school.  Caught in the Alpha Spider-girls web.  Thinking it was one thing and then realizing I was about to get bitten.  Wanting to be liked by the super cool spider-and then when I got tangled in her web-it was of course, all my fault.  We went to a party with football players and other super cool spiders. I was a freshman.  Everyone else was older and I felt so cool to be surrounded by spider girl’s friends.  The party got out of hand-the cops were called and suddenly there in my leather saddle-back purse-with the hand painted flowers on the flap, I had  just gotten for Christmas, was a dime bag of pot.  Spider girl had put it in my purse….and led the cops right to it.  I had never smoked pot in my life-much less knew how to roll it up so neatly in a Ziplock bag. I was taken down to the police station and my parents were called. They were on the way home from a Florida weekend get away.  I was mortified. I explained to my parents what had happened-the matter was resolved-but I had been caught in the web. I was so……shocked, embarrassed, ashamed.  How could she do this to me?  We were friends.  Spider girl never spoke up for me.  That Monday back at school, she of course, had spun her own web of lies-saving herself from high school shame and keeping her cool factor on top. I was grounded for a month and not allowed to cheer at the next two home games.  I should have learned back then.  But I did not.

 I recently got into business with this current spider woman.  A  short term,simple way to generate some income and boost future ventures.  We spelled out the terms of the deal-agreed-not in writing-but in words-because” as friends we did not need to”  Everything was “cool, laid back and easy”.  She controlled the specifics and agreed to the arrangements.  But then, in the end, when she fell back on the very specifics she agreed too, and people complained, I was left holding the bag of pot. All the complaints were directed towards me. It was a shit storm and my character was called to question. People were in my face, in my emails, on my phone. Spider woman did not have my back.  In fact, she flat out lied to save her spot on the throne.  I felt just like I did way back then in 1980-sitting in the police station waiting for my parents to arrive and take me home.

I stopped calling this person and kept my distance.  It is said we all repeat the lesson until we learn it.  I repeat lessons a lot.  Sometimes, I don’t even see the lesson rounding the bend until I am in it-again-with that oh no feeling that I have been here before and this is not going to be pleasant.  I have gotten better though at seeing the spiders and saving my wings.  Infact, I almost got caught in one just yesterday-but I saw the web being spun.  I recognized that feeling of being insulted without knowing it until it was too late-and I stopped myself from being the fly. After the meeting-and one or two insults at my expense( ok, I am slow sometimes) I decided this was not for me.  I shut my mouth and stopped sharing my ideas.  I listened to the spider and began to watch her spin, and twist. I decided I did not need her for anything I was currently doing or wanted to do.  I could fly on my own.  I did not have to participate and bow down to the Queen.  I ended the meeting early and got up to leave.  Spider Queen, with her keen sense of timing, actually mentioned she was about to receive an award.  She was being honored for being the one and only Spider-Queen in the land.  Was I being invited?  She put one of her eight hairy arms up to her ear with the pinky thumb call me motion as her other phone was ringing and I was heading out the door. I turned and looked at her and motioned “no”.