There, there.  It is all going to be alright.  It is all going to be alright.

Maybe.

You know what is wrong with you gal?

Well, as a matter of fact- I could go through a whole litney of what is wrong with me.  And then I start to cry-tears welling.  Holding back-not gonna do it.

Looky here gal, she said.

I did. Every inch of her life was right there on her face.  Not hidden, not smoothed out and inflated.  Life in every crease and crevice.  She earned every one.

You are looking for a there, there, she said.

  Your there, there.  Someone to come along and tap you gently on the shoulder, look you right in the eye, pull you close into a deep hug and whisper,

there,there. 

I cried even more.

She was right. 

The last four years have been an emotional boat load of heaves and ho’s.  From one destination to another-coming across things not on the map-circumstances that needed to be dealt with in the here and now-except the here and now kept going on and on so much I found myself lost in the sensation of any kind of feeling.Void.  There was no time.  The here and now was robbing me of the genuine- because everything was requiring me to participate on a level of  deep impact. I just kept moving.  I just keep moving.  It is the remedy.  It is the solution. It is what keeps me, oddly enough in the present.  How ironic.

If you are one of those women who is so inclined to fix, on all kinds of multi levels, and if you choose to see and be aware-I am not sure there will always be a there, there-waiting in the wings when you decide to slow down long enough.  Items don’t have to be checked off the list of life. Just about anything can wait-and your child will not dissolve into a heaping pile of emotional distress if you can not do everything-all the time.  Children need to know they are loved and safe. That covers a great deal.  Marriages require work and compromise and partners need to know they are loved and that they too are safe-even from things that have been there long before you ever entered the picture.  There, there’s are hard to come by these days.The there, theres in the every day are not where you think you will find them-but sometimes, on a day when the weight of the world is right there between my heart and soul and sleep has not been my friend-when circumstance is not working in my favor and my wish list is running longer than usual- I find my own there, there.  A whisper to  my self, filled with the knowing of self preservation and skill- with a solid hug of perseverance and the assurance that righteousness brings.

There,there.