October 19, 2011

Everything Turns Around.

 

In one direction or another.  Right?  If change is the constant then we all have the ability to move forward-one way or another. Change will be the evolution of us all. Even if we don’t do one darn thing. I have lived enough to know life cycles-beyond the obvious of life and death;this we all know.  More so , the life cycle of what comes back around to affirm?  confirm? deny? Remind us? taptaptap us ever so gently heed a warning?  Or better yet, suggest we try that again.  Once more.  I am happy to report a few good, really good circle of life moments.  When all the pieces and parts of the puzzle come together.  People and circumstance all at the same cocktail party, beautifully dressed and on time. Right there in the same room and there I am too, by force or will( or whatever else got me through “it” and got me where I needed to be).   When the past tears and disappointments meet with the joy and success and questions are answered(or not) and that particular circle of life moment is complete. Wrap it up.The trick is staying in the business of life long enough to cycle back around-again..and get it right. (or not) Life will cycle on- we don’t get to live life backwards.  Life is in the business of here and now.  Some days I am present.  Give me all the here and now I can handle.  Some days, though I hate to admit it, my what if’s scratch and claw at my here and now and I find myself on a side trip-there in the back of my mind, where every moment is kept. Oh. And. I remember everything. And there, right there in the deepestdarkest place, I find the road stop sign posting:

No regrets.

For once, I think I am okay with this.

Wouldacouldashoulda.

Can I now be so bold to look back and say that my shoulda’s gave way to whatever else I felt was more important?  My woulda stepped aside for passion?  Pain?  Grief?  Love? Coulda-there, on the sidelines testing my vanity and ego.  The road of no regret is long and hard won.  It is not for the faint of heart.  It is for the ones who take whatever other road seems more interesting and well, yes, less traveled.  Secluded even.  That road in that moment. Not the one of least resistance.  The road of change.  Get on it.  Buckle up.  And have enough sense to stop and pee when the trips get to long, or at least rest….and try, very, very hard not to run over anyone along the way.