It is not easy. Peeling back the layers of this well seasoned onion is not a task I take on lightly. Nor is it one I decided to do on a whim. Joining the ranks of the imperfect is not easy when striving for perfection it is all you have known since you were old enough to know better. Not that I am being judgemental, mind you. Maybe even, I sort of envy those who have the ability to look at something, shrug their shoulders and say, “It’ll do.” And be done with it. Just like that.
I am a woman of lists. Love them. Have been a list maker for a long, long time. But, if you were to look at my office, you would not see the typical signs of a type A list making professional. My office looks more like a blend of chaos and creativity. Like someone really organized threw up creative juices all over the place.
I am quite sure I started out like this. Oldest child with ingrained, incredibly strong work ethic. I started working when I was 14. Have not stopped since. But it is not all it’s cracked up to be. I am not super wealthy. I do not live in a big house, I am not surgically enhanced -nor do I get weekly manicures; weekly anything really-unless you count my nap-which is not so weekly as it used to be. I am not surrounded by all the droppings of a life lived perfectly. Truth be told- I am sure I would never trade with the perfect ones. I find that life to be a few shakes short of a well blended spice. I am quite happy here in this brand new world of perfectly imperfect. I find that I really kind of like it. My perfectly imperfect is okay. I can live with things that don’t get done. I can live with the things that don’t and never will get checked off one list or another.
Perfection only gets you so far-and has lasting residual effects. My dentist says I grind my teeth at night( who knew?) and my doctor says I need to find ways to eliminate some of the stress in my life ( I know)-but I am not convinced these are solely attributed to my years on the path to perfection. I am not the typical perfectionist. I’ve seen worse. But, rather, I have that rare blend of let’s see what happens,mixed in with a pinch of follow the course and dash of path less taken-tied together with lots of paths less taken- and somehow I still got here. Not in shattered pieces-no not at all. I know when to be lazy and when to see it all the way to the end. I know when to stop trying so darn hard-and when to give it just one more go. I am still learning-painstakenly when to know to back-off and leave it alone. The scab will help the skin heal.
I’m really digging this post – it speaks to me! “Like someone really organized threw up creative juices all over the place.” – I’ve been there; hell I’m there now!! I think I’d like to read this to the teachers in the writing institute and let them use it as a prompt! I’ll include the link to this so they can post their responses here if they’re comfortable doing so! Wise words, friend!